Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
