Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
