Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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