Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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