I CAN MOONWALK!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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