So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
false alarm. still invincible.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
