I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
