sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
