I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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