I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
