He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
