i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
