my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
