Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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