That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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