he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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