Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
