paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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