Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
