Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
