he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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