It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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