All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
