I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
