just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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