The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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