i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
