Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My balls are so social today.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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