What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
