Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
