I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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