At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
