Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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