But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
