I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
