I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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