Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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