What a fucking waste of an outfit
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
