i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
