I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
