He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
