Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
pray to the hookup gods
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
