and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
