worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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