I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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