I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
