his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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