Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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