I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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