Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
