we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
