If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
