DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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