Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
