Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
