This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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