I cockslap morals
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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