guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
