you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
