how can u be prego again
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
splinters make it hard to masturbate
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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