Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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