you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
