Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
