you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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