Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
