Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
