I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
