I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
