i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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