i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
